‘George Borrow’s Visit – part 2’ A monologue by Claire Smith

The Rows in 1860

WE HEAR PUB NOISE.  GERTIE, A SERVANT-WOMAN, STANDS OUTSIDE (INSIDE?) THE PIED BULL INN, NORTHGATE: 

Bloody hell – it’s bleedin’ typical – an arse of a man is our landlord Stanley – a dick-face, a total crap, crap dick-face.  He needs to look to himself rather than always be putting the blame on others! 

I have told him before, but will he listen … ooh no, not in a thousand years … that ale needs to be kept downstairs where it’s cold, not in the bar amongst all these bloody steaming bodies… with piss and wotnot swilling around.  And the old miser had tried to keep it too long ’n all .. should have been poured down the drain a week ago.  

Wasn’t my fault that that gentleman Mr Borrow took against it.

The actor as the barmaid throwing her head back and shouting
Claire Smith

And the cheese … though actually I must say, to be fair, I thought it was fine meself… I scraped the mould off it myself this morning and it smelt well-nice and ripe … lovely bit of Cheshire it was… 

But the ale now … a totally different kettle of fish …

He’s not from round these parts, though, that gentleman Mr Borrow, so maybe his stomach just couldn’t take it … perhaps he was too ‘swave and sofisticated’  … his pallet just too stuck-up… to tolerate it?

SHE LAUGHS.  WE HEAR DRUNKEN SHOUTS.

Alright, alright, I am coming … got to bleedin’ clear up the mess now … you wouldn’t have thought posh folk like him would do such things as to discharge a half-chewed up mess from his gob out of the bloody window and onto the street! 

I tell you what, it gave poor old Mrs Gripper a fright .. all that chewed-up cheese and ale, landing right plum on top of her head in the middle of the day ….oooh wee.

Any way I’ll get her cleaned up and play nicey nicey with Mrs G and the landlord…  God love me, I need the job …

SHE LAUGHS.

It’ll all be forgotten tomorrow – I mean it’s not likely that the gent is going to write a bloody book about it or anything … is he?